One of the most difficult things for me was watching everyone else go through their mourning, and the different things that go through your mind during those times. Up to the final day, my thoughts were consumed with my Mom's condition. I was expecting a phone call any time, but when it did come I was still hit hard.
Much of what was going on inside my head was the shitty things I had done ( mostly as a youth), and the regrets I felt as a result, especially since all I got from her was unconditional love, when so many parents would have written off a little asshole like me. Of course I know it's pointless living on regrets like that, even more so since she would have told me that herself. But that's the way my mind was working. I'm over that now. The love she gave, especially to my kids, was immeasurable. I will never forget that.
LOVE
As I mentioned earlier, my parents were married for over 51 years, so of course my Dad was ( and probably still is) feeling a little lost. Luckily,both of my sisters have stepped up and shown overwhelming support to him, and I have done what I can also ( between working 3 jobs and trying to be there for my kids).
My parents were in the habit of going to Herzegovina every year to see family and friends. They would go anywhere from 2-4 months, but as time went on and Mom got worse, this got more and more difficult. They actually did manage to go last summer, but my Dad and sisters said it was horrible. I had sort of regretted not going, just in order to be there with her for the last time, but they said it was better that I didn't. Her condition deteriorated rapidly once they got back. It was wrenching to watch, but I'm glad I was there for my Dad........
Much of what was going on inside my head was the shitty things I had done ( mostly as a youth), and the regrets I felt as a result, especially since all I got from her was unconditional love, when so many parents would have written off a little asshole like me. Of course I know it's pointless living on regrets like that, even more so since she would have told me that herself. But that's the way my mind was working. I'm over that now. The love she gave, especially to my kids, was immeasurable. I will never forget that.
LOVE
As I mentioned earlier, my parents were married for over 51 years, so of course my Dad was ( and probably still is) feeling a little lost. Luckily,both of my sisters have stepped up and shown overwhelming support to him, and I have done what I can also ( between working 3 jobs and trying to be there for my kids).
My parents were in the habit of going to Herzegovina every year to see family and friends. They would go anywhere from 2-4 months, but as time went on and Mom got worse, this got more and more difficult. They actually did manage to go last summer, but my Dad and sisters said it was horrible. I had sort of regretted not going, just in order to be there with her for the last time, but they said it was better that I didn't. Her condition deteriorated rapidly once they got back. It was wrenching to watch, but I'm glad I was there for my Dad........
